Thursday, April 29, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
The Saturday In Between
As a general rule of thumb, I hate being in between things. Right now there are a couple different things in my life that I am metaphorically “in between.” I’m in between coming to USC next year or not, between pursuing a professional career after college or entering full-time ministry, and at any one moment throughout my day between have a peace that surpasses understanding or giving in and letting that terrifying grip of anxiety and fear take over my life.
I woke up today really angry with myself. Yesterday was Good Friday, one of the most important days of the year for the Christian faith, and I did not do a single thing all day to even recognize that the Creator of the universe died an excruciating death because He loved us, because He loved me. I’m sitting here writing this on the Saturday in between Jesus’ death and resurrection. I can’t help but feel that today is more than just a little symbolic of this season of my life. I can focus on yesterday, on my own sin of selfishness and immaturity, or even on the sin of humanity that nailed Christ to the tree, or I can choose to look to tomorrow, Sunday and remember that God is alive and He’s taking care of everything.
Looking backwards at Friday brings anxiety and frustration and will put you in that nauseating cycle of guilt and sin. Looking forward to Sunday will bring hope and peace and the reminder that you are not alone. The end has already been decided. I might get into USC; I might not. The good news is that it really doesn’t matter. My senior quote in high school was “I do not know what the future holds but I know who holds the future.” How ironic that I chose that quote at that time of my life; at that point I had my future all mapped out in my head. Two years later I’m sitting here in a city that I once said I would never live in, praying that I get into a school I grew up detesting. I guess I wrote all this just to say that I’m learning how to accept that feeling of “the Saturday in between.”
I woke up today really angry with myself. Yesterday was Good Friday, one of the most important days of the year for the Christian faith, and I did not do a single thing all day to even recognize that the Creator of the universe died an excruciating death because He loved us, because He loved me. I’m sitting here writing this on the Saturday in between Jesus’ death and resurrection. I can’t help but feel that today is more than just a little symbolic of this season of my life. I can focus on yesterday, on my own sin of selfishness and immaturity, or even on the sin of humanity that nailed Christ to the tree, or I can choose to look to tomorrow, Sunday and remember that God is alive and He’s taking care of everything.
Looking backwards at Friday brings anxiety and frustration and will put you in that nauseating cycle of guilt and sin. Looking forward to Sunday will bring hope and peace and the reminder that you are not alone. The end has already been decided. I might get into USC; I might not. The good news is that it really doesn’t matter. My senior quote in high school was “I do not know what the future holds but I know who holds the future.” How ironic that I chose that quote at that time of my life; at that point I had my future all mapped out in my head. Two years later I’m sitting here in a city that I once said I would never live in, praying that I get into a school I grew up detesting. I guess I wrote all this just to say that I’m learning how to accept that feeling of “the Saturday in between.”
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